How to Cook Your Squirrel and Romance a Princess aka a Deleted Scene From Long Ago

Hi, friendly reader! This is a deleted scene from one of the earlier incarnations of Splendificent known Giselle and The Hot Squad. Spoiler warning, pals!

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As Giselle and Fleur lead the curse-stricken Mister Toffey into their condo, they encounter the heady scent of something assuredly delicious. Something that smells almost like beef mixed with lamb mixed with almond milk. Which makes no sense. But damn does it smell good!

“What smells so yummy?” Giselle asks

“I bet we don’t wanna find out,” Fleur warns.

The girls walk Mister Toffey into the kitchen as if he were a weary puppy. Everyone else is gathered there. Dusty is frying something with a camouflage apron hugging her giant hooters.

“You can’t cook squirrel!” Sofi protests with a wave of her long arms. “Actually I’m refusing to eat it out of solidarity for our woodland buddies.”

“You’re talkin’ junk!” Dusty hollers over the crackle of the frying pan. “Squirrels ain’t no buddies. They get into yer house and eat yer candy. And when yer havin a picnic with a cute boy they make a big mess of things they do.”

Sofi’s long pink lips dive into a scowl.

“We hunt ’em back home in Tennessee. That’s why I hunted this one. Caught it on the way back from getting some whipped cream.”

“Do you intend on serving rodent with whipped cream?!” Tristen is aghast.

“Oh no, you best eat squirrel with hot sauce and pepper. This here whipped cream is for you and me to wrassle in!

“Fascinating.” Tristen says. “You expect a lady like myself to engage in the grappling arts whilst lathered in whipped cream. I will not do it, not without proper members of the great houses of Gyllengard in attendance.”

Giselle decides to break this up. “Guys!”

The women all snap to attention while the squirrel sizzles in the pan.

“ Fleur and I took Mister Toffey to Madame Wanda , and we have ultra big news. He and all the guys are cursed.”

“That’s right. They had hot monkey sex and they got cursed for it.”

“Then how do they get uncursed or whatever it is?” Sofi ponders.

“I’ll handle this one.” Fleur’s cute lips are preparing to dole out a shock to Tristen’s moral fiber.

“I can probably do it with more delicacy.” Giselle decides.

“That’s why I’m doing it. The psychic told us how to deal with this. The only way to save these men is if the tallest girl here does ’em all. Tristen you’re taller than Giselle by two centimeters. No, one centimeter. Okay, half a centimeter. So spread those legs, lady Thor.”

“Poppycock! I am wearing heels. These are Jimmy Choo’s. Giselle is wearing tennis shoes like an unkempt beast. Most likely scrounged from the damage goods box at Payless. A Payless with signs clearly marked it is closing down due to absteos and a bacterial vaginosis outbreak.”

“Ick! These are expensive shoes!”

“You can unkempt my beast anytime ya hankering to, Tristen. Beast is my vagina,” she offers.

“What’s unkempt mean then?” Sofi’s curiosity is genuine.

It looks like Dusty is about to whip her pants down but before she can open the top button, back smoke billows all around them. She grabs the pan with one hand, slaps her crotch with the other and squeals, “Help! My squirrel is burning!”