Interview With a Kitsune
Name: Sofi Poe
Age: 18
Species: Kitsune
Home: Miami, FL
Relatives: Tammy Mae(mother), Gus Poe (father, deceased)
Intrepid scribe Dacy Alex, an expert in all things supernatural and Giselle and The Hot Squad sat down with Hot Squad member Sofi Poe for an exclusive interview! Let’s read!
DACY: Sofi, thanks for sitting down with me for this interview.
SOFI: No problem! Usually, you have to pay twenty-four dollars a month for my private snap for this sort of access.
DACY: Twenty four…well…tha-
SOFI: And then fifteen dollars a month for my private IG.
DACY: Fifteen more dollars?!
SOFI: Then there’s my patreon. Tiers start at ten dollars where I’ll send you one bikini polaroid and go up to three hundred dollars where I’ll send you three bikini polaroids.
DACY: Three hundred dollars? A month?
SOFI: Do you think I’m selling myself short?
The interviewer swallows hard. Swallowing indignation and his words.
DACY: So the interview…
Sofi claps her hands together and bounces up and down. This sends her huge jugs shaking!
SOFI: The interview! I know your market research has shown me to be the Hot Squader everyone adores.
DACY: Market research eh…
SOFI: I mean who wouldn’t love me? I’ve got the juiciest booty of the group, the biggest breasts of the gang and the sharpest wit.
DACY: Do you now?
SOFI: And the reddest hair!
DACY: Now that we can agree on.
SOFI: People just love the color red. Cherries. Strawberries. And redheads like me!
DACY: Let’s talk about your redhead status.
SOFI (clapping hands. again): Yes let’s!
DACY: You’re a Kitsune…
SOFI: I sure am!
DACY: Which is a Japanese fox spirit.
SOFI: You betcha.
DACY: But you’re a redhead and biracial mixed with caucasian and black.
SOFI: You betcha.
DACY: You’re a half white, half black, redhead Japanese fox spirit. Let’s clear this up for the people. How is that possible?
SOFI: I don’t see anything odd about it. You know how in anime the characters are Japanese but white? Well kitsune are the inspiration!
DACY: That’s some weird shit right there, yo. Uh anyway, let’s talk about your infamous mother.
SOFI: My mom is Tamamo no Mae or Tammy Mae the toughest as fuck kitsune you’d ever wanna meet. Don’t at me.
DACY: I won’t. I hear she’s been the mistress to Japanese emperors, American presidents, European kings, African warlords, and South American dictators.
SOFI: And she recorded a disco album! It didn’t sell well.
DACY: But all these relationships went south, didn’t they?
SOFI: Mom’s just a very passionate lover, and sometimes, actually all the time these powerful men couldn’t handle a powerful woman in bed.
DACY: And these men are overthrown, or fall ill, or get impeached, or get beheaded all because your mom is a dom?
SOFI: Sex is stressful, son.
DACY: Are you a dom?
SOFI: I’m a whatever the mood calls for, Dacy. But you know what? A lot of men like it when you throw them on the bed, slap em around, ride em real hard, choke em, steal their debit card, that sort of thing.
DACY: I’ll stick with Giselle thank you very much.
Sofi puts on a humorous pout.
DACY: So lemme ask you, what can a kitsune do?
SOFI: What don’t we do?
Sofi just sits there twiddling her thumbs like that was enough of an answer.
DACY: Uh…can you elaborate?
SOFI: I sure can! We can get things lit as fuck! And I mean literally because some of us can shoot fire from our tails and some can shoot lightning. But if you wanna be in a chill mood I’ve even heard of ones who can shoot ice from their tails.
DACY: Think twice before you go fox hunting.
SOFI: Like my poor daddy, killed by a fox. Miss you daddy! So anyway we can all shapeshift to human and fox and demi-human. But the older a kitsune gets the more powerful they get. My mom can make illusions or sneak into dreams to influence people which I think might be how she got a great deal on her Range Rover.
DACY: I still drive a 2010 Corolla. So as we close this interview you can plug your social media accounts which I know you’ve been dying to die.
SOFI: Find me always at DaBaddestRedFox! But it’s fuck that bitch MiamiReddFoxxx for life!
DACY: Preach.