What can we learn from Princess Maggie Elvrina?
Let’s here it straight from Princess Maggie herself:
You want my advice? The great Magalinda Elvrina, princess, witch, Fluffy Bunny and all around excellent person’s advice? Then get ready! The searing power of my wisdom will empower you!
Laws? Laws? Laws schmaws! This Fluffy Bunny says laws are like suggestions scribbled on a tavern napkin…chuck em out! Life is too short to be shackled by boring conventions, people. Shackles are for what the orc king puts Tristabelle in as his sex slave. They ain’t for this Fluffy Bunny!
Laugh in the Face of Adversity, everyone! Tragedy? Betrayal? World-ending catastrophes? Yawn. No matter how bad things get, a good cackle can turn any situation from unbearable to mildly amusing. Like when I accidentally summoned a frost giant and it swallowed Astrid whole. KKKEHEHEEHHEH, you should have seen her face when it pooped her out!
Never Let ‘Em Know Your Next Move! Am I a genius or a fool? A mastermind or an airhead? Who knows! The less predictable you are, the harder it is for anyone to control you. Even your own parents! Even if your parents are king and queen of the most powerful nation in the history of this wacky planet! I say keep ‘em guessing, and you’ll always have the upper hand. Or at least, you’ll be entertained watching them struggle to figure you out!
Have you read Magalinda Elvrina’s-Not-At-All-Questionable-Guide-To-Sex, there’s no 50 shades of grey here, not even a one, the only color is here is RED FOR RED HOT! Boys, taboos are nothing but unwrapped gifts. Think you’re doing it right by by doing her the conventional way? You’re only doing it BORING and soon you’ll be doing it with your HAND!
Just like I said predictability is boring with a capital B-O-R-I-N-G! Keep em on their toes and you keep em turned on. Think you should just say hi and smile when you see your crush? I think you should tackle em into a rose bush and have your damn dirty way with them!
The more things that go “wrong” during sex the better. Your partner gets tangled in the sheets, eh? Now you’ve got a sub ready and prime to be whipped. Someone forgot a condom? Life is all about risks, people! The Allfather opens up a portal to Valhalla and calls your lover to fight in Ragnarok? All I heard is a request for a threesome!
And remember privacy is for the prudish or my sister Constantina. Whisper sweet nothings by the fire? Pshaw! I say scream your orgasms in the middle of the crowd! Big time bonus if that crowd is part of some religious organization! Drag your lover out of the shadows, maybe even out the closet, and make a spectacle of their sexy derriere.
And lastly, orgies? I shouldn’t have to tell you this but sex is a lot like a battle, the more limbs the better!