All American and All Hot!
Today we are with….
And…
DACY: Sofi, Giselle, and Dusty, welcome to 250 years of America! That’s a long time and we’ve had a lot of great Americans pass through these lands.
DUSTY: Like my pa and Uncle Baron, the Music City Gunsligners!
DACY: ….right, so I want you naughty babes to tell me which great American you would most like to give a lap dance to!
GISELLE: Oh my gosh, Dacy! This is, like, the BEST assignment ever!
Giselle bounces excitedly, her massive jugs jiggling hypnotically
DUSTY: Assignment? Does this get credit to our GPA? I gotta bring it up to keep playing volleyball.
DACY: How smart do you have to be to hit a volleyball?
DUSTY: 1.5 GPA smart!
GISELLE: Hey! Pay attention to me! Okay okay okay, so Walt Disney is so my choice, right? Because he created Mickey Mouse and Disneyland and all that magical stuff! I feel like we’d have SO much in common since we both love making magic and stuff! Sometimes when I make magic I start fires but that’s why they invented fire departments.
Everyone scoots farther away from Giselle, but she twirls around dramatically, nearly tripping over her own feet
GISELLE: So like, I’d show up at his office in a super cute Minnie Mouse costume but sexy, you know? With the ears and everything but it’d be like an American bikini version! And I’d sit him down in his big animator chair and do this little dance I learned from playing Dance Dance Revolution for six hours straight! Then I’d grind on his lap while telling him all about my ideas for a Giselle Nyfall theme park! He’d probably be like “this girl is CRAZY” but also totally into my big bouncy titties in his face! And I’d be all “Mr. Disney, sir, can you make an anime about me getting railed by a bunch of handsome elf guys?” and he’d be so scandalized hehehe! It’d be MAGICAL just like his kingdom! I’m not allowed back to DisneyWORLD for reasons involving fires and such, but they’ll still let me in DisneyLand. Odd!
DUSTY: That’s who’d you pick? Walt Disney? Outta all the 250 years of America you’d pick the dude who cast Beyonce in the Lion King.
GISELLE: I think he’s been long dead before that casting, Dusty.
SOFI: Beyonce is such an uninspiring choice. Why not someone…like…well, me?
Dusty adjusts her cowboy hat and runs both hands slowly up her thighs, over her hips, and settles them right under her enormous jugs, hoisting them up proudly
DUSTY: Now ya’ll know who I’m picking! Mark Henry!!!
SOFI: Who?
GISELLE: Is he coach of the frisbee golf team at school?
DUSTY: Naw! He’s ny damn dream man! The World’s Strongest Man! The Silverback! That big ol’ chocolate mountain of muscle!
DACY: Yeah, he’s a great-
Lil Dusty lets out a wild holler that could be heard across the Tennessee border, standing up on her chair so her titties are practically at eye level with everyone in the room
DUSTY: Now listen here, Dacy Alex, ’cause Dusty Blackwood only explains herself once. I’d walk into that room wearin’ nothin’ but a pair of cowboy boots and my daddy’s championship belt draped ‘cross these big ol’ sweater puppets like a bandolier.
She stands up on her chair despite being barely four foot eleven and demonstrates a spinning heel kick that knocks a lamp off Dacy’s desk!!!
DACY: My mom bought me that!
SOFI : ***snicker***
DUSTY: Then I’d march right up to Mark Henry, look up, WAY up, at that six-foot-three, four-hundred-pound slab of dark meat and tell him “Sugar, you ain’t the only one with world records round here.” I’d climb him like a damn oak tree, wrap these thick thighs around his waist, and grind my bare coochie against them abs of his until he felt it in his SOUL!!!!! And black folk got a lot of soil!
She mimes climbing an invisible giant, her hips thrusting forward in slow, deliberate waves as she bites her lip and throws her head back
DUSTY: Then I’d unhook that belt, let these Double D’s bounce free right in his face, motorboat myself against his chest, and holler “GIMME THE WORLD’S STRONGEST SLAM, BIG DADDY!” while heaving my whole body against his. Whew!
The tiny 18 year old skank fans herself with her hat, nearly falling off the chair
DUSTY: That man would need a neck brace after what these titties’d do to him! Hall of Pain? Nah son, Hall of BRAIN!
SOFI: I’m sorry but can we examine how she’s turning a lap dance into an attempted homicide?
DUSTY: My daddy always said if you’re gonna do somethin’, do it with CONVICTION, and honey, Dusty Blackwood convicts the HELL out of a lap dance!
SOFI: Honey, the tip you get from a lap dance shouldn’t be going to your bail. Caption that.
DACY: And Sofi, saving the curviest for last….
Our redhead vixen, Sofi Poe tosses her curly red hair over one shoulder and pops her gum loudly, already rolling her wide hips in a slow figure-eight as she pulls her phone out to check her reflection. The bootyful bitch smacks her glossy lips together and runs both hands down her sides, gripping her own waist before sliding them down to grab two huge handfuls of that legendary brown badunkadunk
SOFI: Uh, Bill Gates, obviously. Gurl, do you even know me? Like, duh? The man is worth like a gazillion dollars and that’s literally my favorite quality in a man. Money. Cash. Coin. Moolah. Dead presidents on paper. I don’t even care about the Microsoft stuff or the computer thingies he made, I just need to know one thing: can he fund my lifestyle?
She holds up her phone and checks her bank app, frowning slightly
SOFI: Because my shopping habit is, like, an emergency situation right now.
GISELLE: Isn’t your mama, Tammy Mae, the richest woman in the world?
SOFI: Uh, did I stutter?
Our fire-haired heroine turns around and bends over slightly, giving the invisible audience a full view of her juicy bubble butt as she twerks it in small, controlled bounces, her painted-on jeans creaking with every movement
SOFI: I mean hello, he could buy me every Fendi bag in existence and still have enough left over to fund my OnlyFansISH startup empire. That’s husband material right there, baby. And I am NOT easy to lock down. Ask the 769 other guys who’ve asked…this year.
She turns around and backs that phat juicy brown bubble butt up against Dacy’s desk for emphasis, the denim stretching obscenely across her magnificent brown cakes
SOFI: So here’s what I’d do, cuties I’d show up at his giant Seattle mansion in, like, the tiniest little slingshot bikini, the kind where you can basically see EVERYTHING. Made out of 100 dollar billies! I’d find him sitting in front of one of his big computers reading some boring spreadsheet about saving the world or whatever nerds do. Then I’d just plop right down in his lap, wrap my arms around his nerdy little neck, and whisper “Hey Billy baby, want to invest in the hottest startup in America?”
She giggles and juts her enormous backside out, patting it proudly
SOFI: Then I’d do this slow twerk thing I learned from a TikTok tutorial, right on his thighs, and tell him all about Sofi Poe Enterprises and how I need a small loan of fifty million dollars. And every time he tried to talk about malaria or education or whatever, I’d just bounce these cheeks harder until he signed the check! Tee-hee! That’s called business, Dacy! I’m an entrepreneur! And he’d pay it because nobody says no to this ass! Error 404: Sofi’s panties not found!
GISELLE: WHoooo! That’s a partay boombarty! Windows isn’t the only thing getting crashed tonight!
Sofi shoots Giselle a glare. I mean, who wouldn’t?
SOFI: But like, can we circle back to the REAL issue here, which is that Dacy is literally sitting there with his phone out pretending to type “blog notes” when we ALL know he’s got like three different porn browser tabs open and his hand is suspiciously under the desk right now?
DACY: I’m…texting my mom…grandpa Alex in the hospital….
None of the girls believe that shit!
Sofi sashays over with that signature hip-rolling walk, her painted-on jeans straining with every step as she stops right in front of him, tilting her head to examine the impressive bulge with the critical eye of a social media influencer reviewing a sponsored product
Dusty Blackwood’s sharp green eyes cut sideways toward Dacy, and a wicked grin spreads across her face like wildfire across dry brush. She elbows Giselle and nods in his direction
DUSTY: Well butter my biscuit and call it breakfast, girls, looky there! Sofi yer onto something…and Dacy here wishes you were ON something. Hhahhaaha!
The teeny tiny pixie keeps cackling sort of like a fox who found an unguarded hen house might!
DUSTY: Don’t you sit there actin’ all shy with Dusty Blackwood! I seen that thing twitch when Sofi started talkin’ about hundred-dollar-bill bikinis!
She doubles over laughing, her massive Double D’s nearly spilling clean out of her flannel as she slaps her knee
DUSTY: Giselle, look at his face! He’s redder than a sunburned pig at a county fair!
She hops down off the chair and saunters over toward Dacy, planting her tiny hands on her wide hips and craning her neck up at him with the most insufferable smirk imaginable
DUSTY: Now hold on, let me get my magnifying glass, I wanna see if it’s really as big as you claim in them stories you write, Dacy Alex!
DACY: Mag…mag…magnifying glass?!
Young miss Nyfall follows Dusty’s pointing finger and her jaw drops open like a Looney Tunes character, her big blue eyes going impossibly wider as she zeroes in on the very obvious tent forming in Dacy’s pants. She gasps theatrically, covering her mouth with both hands before dissolving into a fit of bubbly giggles that shake her entire body, making her ample chest bounce hypnotically
GISELLE: Omigodomigodomigod! Dacy! Is that… is that your…your SWORD of Gryffindor?!
She fans herself with her hand, pretending to swoon as she staggers backward, pressing the back of her wrist to her forehead dramatically
GISELLE: You wrote me getting railed by like a hundred different monsters and orcs and stuff, but seeing the ACTUAL inspiration in person is like…whoa!
DUSTY: I swear this is a professional erection!
Sofi reaches down and traces one long red nail along the outline through his pants, barely touching, just enough to make her point
DACY: Ohhhhh shiiiiiiiittttttt fuckkkkk me runnnnninngggggg!
SOFI: You know what’s crazy? I’ve literally never been more popular on OnlyFans than I am right now, and YOU’RE the one who wrote me into existence! Maybe I owe my biggest fan a little thank-you? What do you say, girls, let’s show Dacy some All American gratitude!
DUSTY: I mean, it IS the Fourth of July! Fireworks ain’t the only thing that should be blowin’ tonight!
Lil Ol Dusty jiggles her enormous rack in his direction, grinning like a possum eatin’ a sweet potato
GISELLE: Three patriotic American sluts servicing one big black American cock! That’s like…the most American thing EVER! More American than apple pie and baseball and…and McDonald’s! We could call it “The Star-Spangled Bang-er!” Get it?! Like banner but BANG! Get it, guys? Get it? I can explain if you don’t!
That joke sort of kills the mood and everyone goes their separate ways.